lol

Before we delve into OCD, I want to share a funny and an indecisive story. My mom didn’t know what bae meant. I told her, “I think it’s slang for boyfriend. I heard it on Twitter.” (I just googled it, it means before anyone else, a shortened form of baby or babe.) She wrote, “That’s a weird spelling.” I wrote back, “Weird spelling!?! You spelled my middle name, Renae.” All she replied was, “Yes.” It still makes me laugh. I texted her the emoji that’s laughing so hard it’s crying!! 🙂

I chickened out and didn’t register for Soulapolooza, a four day retreat in Orlando in November led by Mike Dooley. A few years ago, my friend Tracy gave me this link and told me to sign up to get a Tut – Notes from the Universe.  I’ve been getting a Note every weekday ever since. They’re really cool. Everyone gets the same message, but every so often your individual goals are weaved in to make it more special. Here’s the link – http://www.tut.com/account/register. They’re little reminders of life’s magic, very encouraging and soulful.

I’m trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and do more fun things. I recall being happiest when I was in school learning new things. There was a bit of a conflict because my brother, sister-in-law, and sweet baby niece 🙂 are coming home for a week and staying with my mom. Their last day here was the day before I would’ve left for Florida. It was doable, yet I would’ve had to switch my focus to laundry and packing which can be complicated. I need to focus on enjoying their visit and spending time with Emma. Here’s two photos. It’s funny, she’s got a Popsicle in every picture my brother sends me, yet he claims she only gets one-a-day, lol!! 🙂

OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) is an anxiety disorder characterized by a person having obsessive thoughts and then having to perform rituals. Compulsions are an urge or impulse. For example, thinking your hands are contaminated with germs and then having to wash them. It’s perfectly okay to wash your hands if there’s something on them, it crosses the line into OCD when it becomes time-consuming and interferes with daily living. I have to catch myself because I’ll continue rinsing them longer than I should, the soap is long gone down the drain. I have a frame of reference for what’s normal/necessary and when it crosses over into obsessive. I’ve always had OCD tendencies; it’s up to me to keep them in check, lol.

The most popular kinds of OCD are counting/checking and frequent hand washing. I also do the counting and checking; it’s more irritating than anything else. One remedy is called Exposure Response Prevention, don’t let yourself perform the compulsive activity and see that nothing bad happens. What I’ve noticed is the severity of my OCD is usually in direct proportion to the amount of stress, anxiety, or powerlessness that I’m feeling. Whenever a big decision has to be made, the rituals take longer almost as if I’m working out my anxiety.

What’s bad about mine is that it’s intermingled with my PTSD. Now, when I say “my” OCD or “my” PTSD, I don’t say it as a crutch or label, because I don’t want the label, yet I can’t be so naive as to think that I don’t struggle with them. Anxiety is the result of not trusting myself and God’s plan. It’s struggling when there’s no need to struggle. It’s being afraid when I have no reason to be afraid. I choose to be free.

I am worthy of love – being loved and giving love. Love is all we have. Love is all we need. God can love the fear out of the child and make everything okay again. God teaches us to be strong and honest. We show up with passion in our eyes and a mission in our heart. It’s so refreshing and beautiful that it brings happy tears to my eyes. The possibility that I might’ve inspired you to become more of who you are, makes me smile. I don’t know where this is going, and for once I’m okay with not knowing, not controlling. My heart feels what it feels. Risky? Yes. Stupid? Yes. But if you don’t risk, you risk even more.

Love is feeling understood in a world that makes us question who we are. Love is knowing that my feelings, even if they are messy, will be respected. Love speaks from the soul which is why the words don’t hurt. Love practices forgiveness because life isn’t perfect and relationships go through difficult times. Love is worth fighting for, it keeps us sane, gives us hope, and strengthens our sight. For to see with the eyes of love is to see God’s heaven on earth.

Have a great week,

Julie

Questions to ponder:

What would I rather do than struggle?

Why am I waiting for permission to do what my soul prefers?

Can I look at myself with loving kindness rather than a harsh critique?