I’m only doing two blog posts this month. Two’s better than none, I suppose. I’ll backtrack and then go forward. On Thursday, I had a fever, I don’t know for sure because I didn’t take my temperature, but I felt like a space heater all day. It wasn’t until I took two Tylenol that the fever broke. I had a fever for several days, but when I finally bought a thermometer, I didn’t register a temperature. Who knows? I think I was trying to catch a cold. I haven’t been letting myself rest. I’m just being too stressed. I haven’t been sitting on the couch at night with my feet up. I need to let myself relax every once in awhile.

My brother called on Monday and we had a good conversation. They’re going to be here on Tuesday. We have a lot of fun things planned. I will take some pictures and blog about it. Emma is running now and saying some words. I can’t wait to see her. We’re also having a small Halloween party. I’m making a Word Search, Scramble, and Treasure Hunt Game. I’m known for my party games. The historic 2009 Halloween party is still talked about to this day. We’ve had some more parties since then, but I haven’t been able to replicate that level of fun nor have the same group of people been together.

That was the year I was getting chemo, yet I managed to decorate the whole house and make five games. I think the steroids gave me energy even though I felt terrible. There were five teams of two. They were running around the house stomping on balloons and looking for envelopes. It was a riot. I sort of recreated the idea of this board game called Mystery Mansion that David, Bryan, Christen, and I played when we were little. I hand folded a bunch of little envelopes and hid them around the house. It was so much fun! My brother and Bryan are both married now with kids. How time flies. My younger cousin, Heather, is getting married to Kyle in August. Yeah! 🙂

Well, I’ve stopped running away. There were three retreats the same week/weekend in November, and I couldn’t decide on one of them. They were all cool in their own way. On one hand, I’m bummed that I didn’t push myself out of my comfort zone. On the other hand, I have things that need to be attended to around here. Yes, it’s exciting to plan adventures. I’m going to post a tentative schedule for 2017 soon. I’m going to travel more. I’m choosing something each month, from book fairs to writing, wellness, survivor, and spirituality retreats. I will go to them alone or see if my friends want to join me!

The other thing I’ve decided is that I’m going to slowly transition into eating a raw vegan diet, which means I will not be eating meat, dairy, or wheat. I will be eating fruits and vegetables, whole foods that are uncooked, and making smoothies and green juices. This would’ve been easier to start in the summer rather than the winter. I should’ve started this seven years ago. I saw a quote today that really hit home, “Food is either the best medicine or a slow form of poison.” I’ve poisoned myself enough. I’m feeding the cancer cells with sugar. I need to start feeding myself from nature’s pharmacy. It will take some time to figure out what works best for me and my body.

I’ve been doing a lot of research and watching videos. It’s not going to be easy, the Standard American Diet is full of toxic chemicals and addictive substances. And food is a form of emotional comfort. I just have to start being comforted by healthy food rather than unhealthy food. If you think about, empty calories are not really satisfying and don’t make us feel good. I want to glow from good health and be proud that I am treating my body well. Healthy eating is what’s missing from being a true wellness warrior and inspiration.

The next time I go to the grocery, I’m not going to buy any processed foods or drinks. They’re not allowed in the cart. I need to use my OCD for something beneficial like keeping the junk out of the cart. I will finish up what I have here and then it’s clean eating. I’m going to reach out to a health coach who is going to help me transition and figure out meals. I think meat will be the easiest to cut, since I already eat vegetarian most of the time. Dairy and wheat will be the hardest to cut because I’ve always liked them. There are lots of alternatives.

Since I’m not much of a cook anyway, this shouldn’t be too hard. I might start with mono meals of fruit, or even raw till 4. I can eat a much larger salad for dinner instead of needing something cooked. The only thing I’m going to buy is oatmeal, that will be my cooked meal if I need something warm. I’m going to stock up on tea bags, that’s what I’m drinking instead of soda. I’m buying soy milk instead of regular milk. I think I need to do an extreme detox right off the bat. Benefits to eating healthy: better digestion, reduce inflammation, oxygenate cells, slow tumor growth, alkalize blood, improve mood.

What am I still struggling with? Fear of contamination and scents. When I was at Target, I had trouble setting my paper products on the conveyor belt. l had to hand them to the cashier, which made me feel like an idiot. In my mind, the conveyor belt is “contaminated.” I think that’s why I like the self-checkout at the grocery because the groceries don’t touch the conveyor belt. Stuff like that depresses me and makes me realize how bad the OCD and PTSD have become. And why I choose to worry about such weird things is beyond me?

I AM SAFE NOW. THE PAST IS OVER, AND I AM FREE. — Louise Hay

The other thing, I switched my shower to the evening because I couldn’t get in bed if I had been out of the apartment and picked up a scent. I never used to worry about that stuff before. I was aware of it, yet I didn’t let it bother me. I’m usually tired in the evenings and don’t feel like showering. Now, I shower in the morning or afternoon, only in the evenings per above. I think that’s part of why I caught a cold, my hair was still damp because I don’t use a hair dryer, and I haven’t put the new comforter on the bed or gotten it out of the package.

We’ve had some cold nights forcing me to wear my pajama bottoms to bed. I need to wash the new duvet cover, too. I’ve got to get my bed figured out before winter hits. Sleep is very important! I had the old comforter for ten years; it fell apart forcing me to throw it away. This is turning out to be a hard adjustment, or I’m letting it be hard. I’m going to get it figured out. Part of the problem is that I’m being too sensitive and making things complicated, which is something I need to work on for sure, and this has turned into quite a long post.

ALL OF MY CHANGES ARE EASY TO MAKE. — Louise Hay

Have a great week,

Julie