Last week’s blog was a bit depressing, scatterbrain, and just being hard on myself. There’s no way I could’ve topped the previous blog unless I had gone to another book fair. I need to let it go and stop with the judgment. Not every blog will be filled with exciting adventures. I need to quit pushing myself so hard, I’m going to end up pushing myself over the edge! And I’m putting my heart back in my chest where it belongs. While I want to be honest when it comes to my feelings, oversharing can leave me feeling vulnerable. That being said, wonders never cease, and scientists can start sounding like poets.

I’m not drinking coffee anymore, I switched to green tea several months ago, perhaps that’s where I was getting most of my energy from. In the long run, it isn’t good to be dependent on caffeine. I might start drinking iced coffee again, especially on days when my energy is low. Drinking tea makes me feel much calmer, which is great because coffee made me bounce off the walls. There’s a lot to consider.

I’m not going to Hawaii now. I’ve talked with my family and everything is okay. There’s just too much that I need to do to get my life back on track. Even though my mom was going to pay my share, I don’t have any money to help pay for the vacation and that doesn’t feel right, nor do I deserve a vacation, as I’ve been on one for the past five years. I don’t want to be the fifth wheel, and that’s what I’d be. My mom will be with her boyfriend. My brother will be with his wife. And I would be all alone, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m not going to be sad about it. If it was meant to be, I’d be going with them. Like they said, there will be more vacations.

Today is Father’s Day, not my favorite day of the year. I miss you Dad. I hope you’re in heaven making the angels laugh. I realized something, I tell funny stories like you used to do. I like to make people laugh because laughter chases away the sadness. I got to thinking about the poor guy who had to stop me from walking onto the Fremont bus. “The Millbrae.” He said kindly. “It will be here in seven minutes.” Oh dear, I was just trying to get to the airport so I wouldn’t miss my flight! He had just spent several minutes telling me which bus to take, and I still almost took the wrong one.  At least I can laugh about it! 🙂

I’m going to start contacting breast cancer organizations through email and tell them about my book. I can also mail some free copies with handwritten letters. I can teach a class or workshop, Art Therapy for Cancer Survivors, where they complete one exercise from the book. There’s a local art center that would be a perfect location. There are so many avenues for book marketing. It’s funny how life comes around full circle and we end up where we’re meant to be. I will trust the Universe to continue guiding me in the right direction. I need to step into my role as author, teacher, healer, art therapist, and friend.

There’s something I didn’t mention. On Friday June 3rd, the morning of the day I flew out west for the book fair, I checked my email. I always read Alan Cohen’s “Quote of the day,” Danielle LaPorte’s  “Truthbomb,” and Mike Dooley’s “Note from the Universe.” Well this time, the Truthbomb stood out to me. It said, “What more do you want?” Wow, exactly, I was getting everything I wanted. The book fair, seeing my friends, having an adventure, and yet I wasn’t prepared, not completely. I was still unsure, doubtful, and hesitant. Although things turned out okay, the way they were meant to, I still have to recognize my fears and insecurities. All in all, it was great practice for my next book fair! 🙂

Have a good week,

Julie

P.S. In writing this blog and trying to think of a title, it dawned on me that women give emotional affection to show they care, while men want to give sexual affection to show they care. Why do I think my way is better? Both are equally heavy and powerful. Both can be overwhelming, unwanted, or a boundary violation. There are lots of double standards in our society: men are seen as cool for bedding a lot of women, whereas women are called sluts or promiscuous. I’ve read that women want security, while men want to feel respected. I never meant to disrespect you, and that’s why you were so mad. Your intentions were good. I get it now. I was supposed to be flattered not mad.