I haven’t blogged in a year. The last post was April of 2019. I don’t know what’s going to happen with our world. I don’t know if this is the end or everything will be okay someday. I’ve heard it will get worse before it gets better. It certainly seems to be doing that. The numbers in Ohio and the other states continue to rise each day. I’ve never experienced something like this before. I guess it’s like a rumor or when you wash a red sock with a white shirt. I don’t have the answers. I’m safe in my apartment, so I shouldn’t complain. I can offer inspiration which sounds silly in the grand scheme of things, but it’s our hope and faith that gets us through the hard times. I know that for a fact. Think about it and then don’t think about it. It’s okay to make jokes to ease the seriousness or the absurdity. We’re still in shock that our lives have changed so drastically in the last two weeks. So when I say it’s scary and depressing, it is.

I just saw something that gave me a glimmer of hope for China. From the New York Times: “For the first time since the crisis began, China reported no new local infections for the previous 24 hours. Experts have said at least 14 straight days without new infections are needed for the outbreak to be considered over.”

To leave the apartment yesterday, I had to tell my mind everything was fine, it’s just an ordinary day. Not much harm was going to come from taking a walk, but the threat is real. No one wants a viral pneumonia and those who already have health issues can die from it. I ran into my mom’s friend who lives in the neighborhood behind me. We stayed on separate sides of the street while we talked briefly. We were taking precaution. Who knows if one of us is carrying it? I’m good at worrying, this gives my anxiety something to do. I’m already hypervigilant, this is right up my alley. I’m a pro at self-isolating, this is normal for me. But who wants to have or be any of those things? It’s a wake-up call for me. It reminds me of a winter about five years ago when I had a phobia of salt, the stuff they use to de-ice the roads. I didn’t leave my apartment for two weeks because I couldn’t step on it. I had to wait for it to rain. What’s the rain going to be this time? I can create a new practice of acceptance and peace of mind. Embrace the fear, work with it, move through it. Understand what it has to say. I can make things that give me hope and strength.

Fear is usually wrong, in its effort to protect us, sometimes it overshoots the mark. I’ve heard this is another thing the government is using to scare us, similar to when we were supposed to be scared of Osama bin Laden. I rarely listen to the news and for the few minutes that I did, it reminded me of when another president talked about a scary foreign threat we were fighting against. I think the real threat is our greed and lack of humanity. The world is crumbling around us because all we care about is our self-interest. I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to protect ourselves. It’s scary to think of how panicked we’ve become and how it turns us against each other. Instead of sharing, which is what we’re taught in kindergarten, we’re hoarding. I’m not pointing fingers at anyone. It’s a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. I have a feeling many of us could develop PTSD from this which would be another awful side effect. And we’re being forced to be separate from each other when our strength comes from our togetherness.

I think our governor, Mike DeWine, has done an amazing job. He started cancelling things when he saw what was happening in the other states and countries. He was listening to advice from health officials. He’s 73, I think by the time you’re 73, you’re pretty wise. I dislike uncertainty and lack of control over a situation so this is another lesson for me. Thank God we still have technology so we can work online and talk to our loved ones on the phone. I just had a virtual meeting with my cancer survivor support group on Zoom. There were six of us. It was great to see them, hear their thoughts, voice my concerns and get feedback. I was a little nervous on the video call. I’m not used to doing them, but I’m glad I did. Feeling connected to my friends is important. Even though things are bad right now, they had a positive attitude and put things in perspective. They were realistic in their advice and didn’t sugarcoat anything.

This coronavirus is forcing us to go inward, to ask ourselves what we really need. Most of the time we keep ourselves very busy. That’s what America is known for – progress and patriotism. I’m against war and killing innocent people. I realize peace will get you killed, but I’d rather die in truth than stand on the wrong side. We need to get our heads on straight and start caring about each other. The earth is fighting back because it’s being mistreated, it sees our insanity. When distractions are taken away from us, we hear the truth, the pain, the feelings. We prefer to tune them out or numb out. For the most part that’s okay, the mind has to take breaks and rest. There are many, many angels who spend their nights and days saving people. For the rest of us, we can embrace kindness and compassion. We can listen more to our spirit and less to our ego. I’m glad this website is still up and running so I can speak my mind even if it’s a bunch of New Age nonsense. I wrote a love poem last month that I’ve been revising, hopefully, I’ll share it soon. All of these Hallmark movies are teaching me that love is real and worth fighting for.

I went on a dating site today for about five minutes. I looked around. I didn’t pay my money and shut it down. I guess I’m still not ready for that. I’ve been putting it off for so long that I finally thought, what the hell? I don’t think it was the right site. I saw a lot of guys who weren’t my type. I might be too vulnerable to talk with someone new that’s why I have to be careful who I choose. I guess if I’m quarantined for long enough, I’ll try a different site and give it a chance. I know there are nice guys out there who might be feeling the same way I do. I felt like writing this blog was more important or that I would get more out of it. Maybe it’s easier to be in my thoughts right now. I’ve created rules for the next time. #1 Instead of feeling overwhelmed, enjoy the attention. #2 Only message them back if I’m interested. #3 Putting myself out there is the first step towards friendship and intimacy. #4 The dating world has changed, more than likely, we’ll be pen pals for awhile. #5 Stay open to possibility and trust my intuition. #6 Stay strong and independent. #7 Have fun!

I think our nation has been sick for awhile. There will be a massive healing if we start acting from a place of love instead of fear. It’s going to take time. I had a bad feeling when I first heard about the virus. I felt silly when I shared my initial reaction. Being empathetic to the suffering of others is paramount right now. It should be paramount every day. We have homeless people that we walk by every day, and yet we do nothing. We don’t do enough to help the people who need our help. The coronavirus is a symptom of a much larger problem, our inability to open our hearts and help the sick. So, I pledge to open my heart. I pledge to heal what is sick inside of me. I guess the weak are always threatened. Now, it’s the elderly and those with existing health problems. How do we help them now? We do what we can, we do more than we can. We help others who can, we pray to God who can. Thank you for listening.

Julie